Soup Kitchenski: Portrait of a Cereal Eater

by Lilliana Spellman

The cold winds of the winter fell silent on the night of December 18th, 2000 as the quaint town of Loomis Colorado settled in for the evening. Little did they know that was the night HE would pass through town. Appearing seemingly out of nowhere and not leaving until 5 people were dead and a dozen others very annoyed.

Token Final girl, 19 year old Cindy Breastcot has refused questioning but the information we’ve gathered from police reports and private sources indicates that all 5 victims were stabbed in the testicles, copies of VHS horror movies left with the corpses and all the cereal in the house eaten. This was not the last we heard from the masked psychopath.

In fact he struck 3 more times in the last 20 years, always ending the same way. The Killers identity remained unknown for quite some time until a blockbuster card containing the name "Soup Kitchenski" had been found near a bowl of popcorn and several rentals at a crime scene.

In a brazen series of YouTube videos that have popped up recently a man wearing the same costume used in the event and going by the name have been shaking up the horror scene turning this slasher from Americas most wanted, to americas most wanted host! Under the channel title Survivors Guilt, Soup Kitchenski has reviewed many of the titles left at his crime scenes and offered his two cents on the subject of horror. Many agree he is a lovable teen killing movie machine. Born in an unknown part of Florida to his not so loving parents, Soup was passed between his broken family homes for most of his young life.

His mother had the bad luck of ending up in several abusive relationships before settling down with what Soup would describe as "shit with feet, and sometimes shoes". One evening while watching Americas Most Wanted the family noticed that the face on the screen, the man being hunted, was his mothers current lover. Seeing that was, in his own words "pretty neat” according to Soup.

He set his sights on fame early on, but then decided the world needed him for something else. His life had always been horror. Why couldn't he control that? If there had to be evil in the world, why couldn't it have rules? So he dawned his iconic mask gathered his few possessions and headed out to the world, to become the villain it needed.

Current day, Mr. Kitchenski says he is a "casual slasher" now, "I kill on the weekends, sometimes if I can get it in early I’ll go for a group of teenagers, not to catch them, just to kinda spook 'em, keep my legend going and give me some exercise. Gotta keep fit, age is a bitch”

Although he’s slowed down with the killing, he has certainly been killing it in the review scene. With his insightful walkthroughs of the films, hilarious commentary and in depth knowledge on the subject, he is one to watch out for now and in the future.

With a small backlog of videos he is well on his way to becoming MutantFam.com's most beloved personality. We here at the MutantFam.com blog had the pleasure of sitting down with Mr. Kitchenski for a one on one chat about serial killer culture, movies and more!

Lily: So, Ghostfake? Whats YOUR favorite scary movie?

Ghostfake: Hands down the 1982 John Carpenter film The Thing. It is the perfect horror film. No one, no thing is safe, not even a dog. The Thing is the perfect organism, completely assaulting and overtaking ever single cell of its host until the only remaining being is the thing itself. It has no empathy, it has no regret, no guilt, just the overwhelming drive to survive. The Thing is unpredictable and powerful and destructive. It is the perfect organism. It’s a great flick because in the end it still wins. It had been frozen for however many millennia, and at the end of the film no matter who it is at the end, whether it’s MacReady or Childs, or both or neither. The Thing could be wondering around out there back in its Blair skinsuit, it still wins. There is noillusion of safety in that movie, there are no tropes that it follows, no final girl to count on pulling through at the end. Its bleak, and it’s perfect.

Lily: Being a masked killer, Who constantly uses his own name...what are the challenges

that you face

Ghostfake: Well, in the vain of killers such as Freddy, Jason and even Michael, I don't have anything to lose. Right? Its no unusual for a killer to make a legacy of their own name, I mean if I were to only use an alias than I get absolutely no credit for what work I've done. If I was an absolutely embarrassment *cough Jason Voorhees cough* then maybe I would think twice about putting my name out there. But I've got nothing to be ashamed of, so why no? I want my name to go down as the legend, not the alias I killed as. I mean shit, look at Charles Lee Ray, he kept his name even as a damned doll. All of the people in my line of work, if they don't use there real name, the are instantly forgotten. I WILL NOT be forgotten.

Lily: How do you feel from the final girl (Cindy) from your initial attack?:

Ghostfake: I hate the trope of the final girl as much as I hate the trope of a female serial killer. Let me explain a bit. So when it comes to a female serial killer, I've never seen a girl pin a guy to a wall with a kitchen knife, like ol' Mikey. I've never seen a girl lift a human being above their head and toss them across the room like a pillow, or break their body in half. I'm not saying it can't happen, but I've never seen it happen. So the bullshit like Urban Legends, can go take a hike. And when it comes to the final girl, I hate that garbage, because the second you start following tropes like that then you let your victims know exactly whats up. So, that whole "illusion of safety" I was talking about, its fine to give your victims the illusion that maybe they will make it out alive. However, in order to truly be effective, you must subvert that trope immediately. So, as an example, once they think there is a final girl then they start taking account of their sins, they want to know if they have broke any of the cardinal rules. Have they had sex? Have they done drugs? And when they narrow it down to the person in the room who hasn't indulged then they know who might be their savior. So the first thing one of us must do is kill the potential final girl. Then, and only then, will the group know that they are fucked. You have simultaneously put wind in their sails, and then sunk their ship in shark infested waters.

Lily: Which slasher do you find annoying?

Ghostfake: That's easy, Jason Voorhees. He is fucking obnoxious. He feels like he is the first retard to make it big in a horror movie. Sorry, developmentally disabled ogre. I get it, I get it, he made huge inroads for the society at large accepting the disabled into our masses, blah blah blah. Do you remember a few years back when a major retailer used a kid with downs to sell toys? I am pretty sure that anyone who is not a complete idiot saw through their charade. But for some reason in 1981 when someone makes the ridiculous decision to make the killer a retard everyone loves it. There is nothing likable about Jason Voorhees, he is obnoxious as all hell, he smells like shit, and couldn't carry on a normal conversation if his legacy depended on it. I mean c'mon, look what he did to his franchise, talk about desperation. I think people remember him fondly, not because they've ever met him, but because he was a pioneer of including special needs people as serial killers. And that opened the door for Leprechaun, I doubt he'd even have done it more than once if it wasn't for Jason Bormees success. And countless others, but I digress.

Lily: Whats the biggest challenge you face in making your videos?

Ghostfake: Oh, man. The biggest challenge to making our videos. Probably, in all seriousness, finding time to make them. Finding time around our work schedule, which can be anywhere between 40-50+ hours a week, while also trying to get around 4 to 5 hours of sleep at night, and not neglecting the duties we have around the house. So ultimately, the only way to make them is by waking up at 1 A.M. and editing before we have to head to work. That the biggest challenge, thats why its not unusual to have a 3 week gap between Survivors Guilt videos. Because grabbing clips from the movie take several hours to do, and keeping up with social media in that time as well, and then recording the script and video and editing it all together it takes a lot of time. So that's the biggest challenge, time.

Lily:Top 5 Recommendations?

Ghostfake: Top 5 recommendations? the fuck? I mean is this movies or books or what? I guess I'll just list 5 things I recommend. 1)The Thing, if you haven't seen it, see it, and if you have, watch it again. 2) Read Stephen Kings IT 3) Watch Arlington Road, that movie will change your life. 4) Check out my channel, Survivors Guilt, 5) check out https://t.co/3fx0xFGqal. I realize those are kind of a cop out but I really don't have anything to recommend. I don't know, light something on fire or something? ...i mean i can also recommend Beyond the veil investigations, Channel of the living dead, video creep, Bunnula, forlaget stilletid And ìA podcast from beneathî

Lily: What makes a GOOD horror movie?

Ghostfake: Thats a great question. Unpredictability first and foremost. The ending should never be foreshadowed within the first Act of the movie. If I find out within the first act of the movie how it’s probably going to end, then why bother? That's why Pamela was the best killer, minus the fact that she had two X chromosomes. No offense to ladies but again biology does have its advantages. But no one saw that twist coming, but in ever other addition to that series is the same old crap but with a far more inept antagonist. You have to keep the killer mysterious because often times if they do have a foe that will take them out it will be harder to guess if you don't know who is the killer yet. The best horror movies are the ones that don't hold back. No kids, dogs or characters should be safe. You should have the feeling that anyone could die at any moment and that their lives are absolutely meaningless because they are just bags of meat waiting to be poked with a knife. And it should be violent. The audience should FEEL every stab, slash and hit that the characters are taking. When we walk out of a horror movie we should feel constant paranoia, and have in the back of our heads that anyone at any time could seek to take our lives. Again, that illusion of safety. We need to get rid of that, and not just in our movies, but also in our lives. We have way too much comfort, that needs to change.

Lily: What does the future look like for you?

Ghostfake: Another great question! Simple answer, I don't know. I don't often worry about the future, obviously I will continue working and creating as long as I find it fun. And when it’s not fun I'll stop. I'm not looking for another job, at this point I'm just looking for a way to kill time in between whatever the hell else I'm doing. Part of me enjoys the community, talking to the MutantFam guys, and that part is often satiated by the interaction with other like minded people, but thats not all of me. So I let that part do his thing and make friends or whatever while I sit back and wait for the right moment to come out of the shadows, and do what I do best.

And with that he cackled for a bit, then kind of wandered off slowly after raiding the

vending machine in our lobby...he hasn’t been seen since, but it's said that if you tune

in to YouTube on a windy night, you can still hear him....complaining....